You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
