Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize