Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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