We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
