only you would photoshop your dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
