I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
