Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In America we eat man semen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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