the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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