Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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