Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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