I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
