I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
