btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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