i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
