That's intense
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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