girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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