eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
