I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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