i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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