OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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