you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
