So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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