I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
