i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
