If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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