I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
