using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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