I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
