I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
