You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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