I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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