Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
