just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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