he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everything about him screamed your future.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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