Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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