you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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