oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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