Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
