If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
