I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
