Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
