Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i love accidental penises.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize