may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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