Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
