Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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