Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
