god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
