she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize