his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
