"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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