I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
