Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
