i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
