it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
