I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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