Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
