she was so not down for the gang bang
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
