i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
