They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
