the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
