Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
