Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
