I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
