we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize