Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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