I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
