I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
