Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
