If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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