I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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