Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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