I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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