first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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