he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize