Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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