he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
