Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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