his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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