How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
