you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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