We're like a lot better than the average bears
I looked at my own cervix.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
