It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize