Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
