Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
