He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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