Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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