omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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