we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
